Ascent

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by today, i’m grateful that you chose to look at my blog.

Below is a poem wrote in the early stages of my breakdown, it’s called ‘Ascent’.

It describes the feeling every morning when waking up of trying to get through the day and feeling like you have to climb a mountain just to cope.

I hope you like it and perhaps can even relate to it.

Ascent

Each day I wake at the foot of the mountain
When all I want to do is drink from life’s fountain
Knowing i’m going to climb through rocks and rubble
Trying to conquer my fears and troubles

Each night I reach the mountains peak
But of my troubles I did not speak
To speak of them would make them real
Then people would judge me and how I feel

The ascent takes all day and night
But inside my head it’s a continual fight
I keep repeating ‘I shall overcome’
But I wish sometimes I had a gun

I’m the world’s best mountaineer
But with each mountain I climb I can’t get nearer
To peace and tranquility
No matter how good my climbing ability

I fear i’ll be found on a mountain side
Half way up with nowhere to hide
All of my traumas fully exposed
And dead from my head to my toes

Thanks

PFAM

Belief is everything

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Diamonds

Hi there,

Thank you very much for stopping by my blog today, I appreciate it.

Below is a short poem I wrote called ‘Diamonds’.

I hope that you like it.

Diamonds

The diamonds sparkle like your eyes
Except for the times I made you cry
The sparkle is there but has now lost it’s shine
They’ve lost their lustre over time

Bur perhaps with enough love and care
I can get the diamonds to return there
To the place they belong
Now and forever long.

Thanks

PFAM

Belief is everything

Real To Me

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by my blog today, I appreciate it.

I wrote a poem recently called ‘Real To Me’, it’s about my own perception of reality whilst suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).

I hope that you like it.

Real To Me

My reality is different from everyone else’s
We’re each the centre of our own universes
In the middle of our own little bubbles
Dealing with our own fears and troubles

I know me but don’t know you
You may think you know me too
But I know I won’t let you in
For fear you see all my sins

There are too many to remember
Yet some burn like hot embers
Every day upon my soul
Knowing each one takes it’s toll

But I know what makes me happy
He’s my 2 year old son still in nappies
He’s the weeguy that we call Blaine
Who keeps me from going insane

Thank You

PFAM

Belief is everything.

Shoots

Hi there,

Thank you for stopping by my blog today. I appreciate it.

I wrote this poem called ‘Shoots’ a few days ago inspired by a picture of a green shoot sprouting from the ground. It made me think of what it’s cycle of life would be in connection with my own.

I hope that you like it.

Shoots

A green shoot sprouts from the ground
Yet to hear life’s noises and sounds
Growing with a perfect innocence
Yet to breath life’s smells and scents

Destined to grow and be big and strong
Yet to learn life’s rights and wrongs
A season ends a shoot will die
To await it’s time again to rise.

Thanks

PFAM

Belief is everything

Dancer

Thank you for visiting my blog today, I really appreciate it. I hope that you are well today.

Dancer is my latest poem and it is about the mystery of life and trying to love life without regret.

I hope that you like it.

If you are interested in my poems you can download a chapbook for free that I wrote called Poems From A Mod: My Journey Through Trauma, Survival And Recovery. It is available to download here via this link: Poems From A Mod – My Journey Through Trauma, Survival and Recovery

Dancer

Standing on the point of her toes
Who knows where she will go
Will she pirouette onto success in her next step?
And live life without regret

Such beauty in her poise and balance
Emanating from her talent
For more than every day she carries on
Her talent will remain life long

Thank You

PFAM

Belief is everything

Keys

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by my blog today, I really appreciate it.

Below is my latest short poem called ‘Keys’. It’s about all of us having the power to determine our own future by unlocking our lives destiny. I hope that you like it.

Keys

Keys to the lock of the door
They are the keys to living and more
What’s behind the door of life?
Is it as random as a roll of the dice?

Our life is not predetermined
We can control the life we are in
We can unlock our lives destiny
With our own lives keys

Thank You.

PFAM

Beief is everything

Monsters

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by today, i appreciate it.

I wrote this poem recently called Monsters, I believe that everyone who has CPTSD/PTSD has monsters and we have to find different ways to deal with them.

Here’s my take on it.

Monsters

I lie awake it’s the middle of the night
I waken in such a fright
Terrified by my monsters
But not the type that live under the stairs

It’s not the vampires that scare me stiff
But the monsters I have to live with
I was given great advice at the weekend
Hold On Pain Ends (HOPE)

Thank you

Poems From A Mod

Belief is everything

Value

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by my site today, I really appreciate it.

i wrote this poem called ‘Value’ to emphasise that however we feel about ourselves through our illness we should always believe that we have a value to ourselves and to others.

I hope you enjoy my poem.

Value

We’re all good enough
We just have to get rid of this stuff
It’s just the thoughts in our minds
That treat us so unkind

But we have a value
In everything we say, think or do
No everything we think is real
And shouldn’t reflect how we feel

Be strong
And keep on keeping on

Thank You

Poems From A Mod

Belief is everything

 

Mirror

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by my blog today, I appreciate it.

Below is my latest poem called ‘Mirror’.

For a long time I couldn’t look in the mirror as I could see what was behind my eyes and I was tying desperately not to let anyone know of my CPTSD. I wrote this short poem in recollection of how i felt then.

I am not ashamed to talk of my CPTSD now.

Mirror

Hiding behind the mirror of my eyes
Hiding form the tears i’ve cried
Showing you the face i want you to see
Showing you who you think is me

But I know it’s just a facade
To hide my fears and why I’m so sad
So look in the mirror and see what you do
Because it isn’t me….it’s you

Thank You

Poems From A Mod

Belief is everything

NYE 2018

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by today, I appreciate it.

I wrote the poem below this morning to commemorate New Years Eve 2018, I hope that you like it.

NYE 2018

It’s the middle of the night and I’m trapped in the mire
Surrounded by the flames of this never ending fire
Each flame scorches me as they rise higher and higher
I’m selling my soul to the highest buyer

No escape from my surroundings
These fears, these monsters…these unexplainable things
They’ve came back and sensed my exhaustion
And dressed in their finest deceiving costumes

I know they’re here to deceive
On this day called New Years Eve
It’s their final attack of 2018
A terrifying reminder of the year thats been

I choose not to look back at the past
But the triggers that are burning me are so vast
They bring me back to the times ruined by him and her
I’m burning in the flames without a fire extinguisher

But the time is always right to do what’s right
Even now as I write this in the middle of the night
I know where I’m going and which path to choose
My strength is in my belief that I will not lose

So I will rise now from their horrors and their screams
And start the battle afresh in 2019
It’s a battle that I will win
By giving it my all and my everything

I know my success is on the horizon
I will have it all and I will win
I believe in my success and my ability
And I’ll keep believing with everything I do and see

I wish everyone a successful New Year
To live in happiness and not in fear
To have a New Year full of smiles and love
And believe in yourself….we are all good enough

Thank you
PFAM

Belief is everything